An Introduction: What does it mean to be "Trapped in the past Millennium?"

 Hello there, if you have somehow stumbled across this blog, I welcome you. I make no attempts to hide this blog from anyone, but I'm also not making attempts to seriously advertise this. This blog is effectively my way of shouting into the void to clear my thoughts.

 

So no doubt you, random reader on the internet have seen the title of this blog and the title of this website and wondered "What in the hell does this psycho mean by 'trapped in the past millennium?'" and while I wish I could say I was a time traveler, it's sadly nothing so cool.

 

Simply put, I don't feel like I belong in the modern era, as I type this it is August of 2025, and I don't feel like I belong in 2025. I feel more that I belong in 1995, or hell, even 2005 more than I belong in the now. And no, I don't mean in the "Things were better in my day" way or other such nonsense. I mean in the sense that I feel like someone who was cryogenically frozen in the 00s and awoke in the 2020s or someone who went into a coma and just woke up, everything, every part of me does not feel like it BELONGS in this time.

 

Allow me to give some of my background, I was born in 1994. Much of my early life I can vividly recall through the late 90s and into the early 2000s. I had a great life and a decent sized family who cared about me, we were a middle-class family living well, I never wanted for anything, my grandfather owned a highly successful business refurbishing military equipment and selling it to companies, movie studios and many others, hence our living state.

 

My life has not been so great since my teenage years, my grandfather's business slowly failed, my family slowly fell into poverty and as it stands I am down to my last 2 family members, the rest have died. Almost nothing from age 13 to age 27 I can really recall. Bits and pieces sure, but everything feels blurry or nonexistant, perhaps that is why I feel like I was in a coma or frozen.

 

over the last 4 years I've slowly developed this feeling of being trapped 'out of time' as it were, I would see content from my childhood and it was as if I could feel everything from back then. I would see an old commercial from the Y2K era and it was as if I could feel my old home, smells, sights, everything about it would return to me and then I would be back here, in my room in 2025 and realize where I was...At first I thought maybe it was just extreme nostalgia, but no. I've realized it's something more...I don't know what it is exactly, but I know I don't feel right in this time.

 

The best way I can think of it is...Imagine as a child you are preprogrammed, predestined to grow up to be a certain person...But I, somehow went far off that preprogrammed route, I became someone else I wasn't supposed to become...And now, now I struggle to figure out who I am because the person I was and the person I was supposed to become are the person I am now. Nothing is connected correctly.

 

I apologize if this all comes off as deeply schizophrenic rambling, but the purpose of this blog/public journal is to write down my thoughts and hopefully eventually make sense of it all so that it feels more coherent and less like the schizophrenic ramblings of a man who's lost his mind.

 

Hopefully it will all make sense one day...

 

Hopefully I can one day be at peace with both my past and my present...